A Life Worth Living
(in Spite of Wanting to Quit)
John 6:56-69
A bishop who I worked with at one time said to me that he used to make himself scarce on the night before an ordination to the priesthood because the people to be ordained often wanted to see him in order to change their minds about being ordained. They wanted to quit before they even started.
I had that feeling to quit before my ordination. I think it was because I didn’t feel adequate for the tremendous responsibility that was before me. It was overwhelming.
Looking back, when I first took seriously the call to follow in the way of Jesus, it was a “high”. It was exciting. My life changed dramatically and for the first time in my young life I had a sense of purpose and meaning. I suppose you could say that I was following Jesus at that early stage because of the benefit and blessing that I was receiving. It was a thrilling time for me. My cup was running over.
I eventually felt that I had a call to become a priest and I made a decision to pursue that goal. I had no experience as to what that kind of ministry would be like so I could only make up what I thought it would be like and I was good at making things up. All I could think was that it would be a good time helping people and gaining acceptance and admiration from those to whom I served. There would be such a sense of fulfillment. I even thought that as a priest I would have automatic status and importance in the community. Now I can laugh at that naivety!
I went to university and worked in the summers on the railway. I took a full time position for a couple of years a youth worker and general lay-assistant in a large cathedral parish and then I went to theological college. During that period I did summer missions in northern Saskatchewan. Through these experiences I was beginning to see that the work was not all glamorous; in fact, there was little or no glamour to it at all. People’s attitude toward me was not necessarily one of acceptance. Even in the beginning of my journey I remember telling good friend, a girl that I had known quite well, that I was planning to study for the priesthood. Her response was, “You must be crazy. I would rather see you dead than a priest.” Now, that took the wind out of my sails pretty early in my calling.
It was downhill from there. Even before my ordination I could see that a lot of the work was dealing with opposition. In parishes that I had been associated with there were a lot of conflict, most of which had to do with power struggles. The gulf between what people said they believed and how they lived was enormous. True commitment to the ways of Christ was rare. Support for the church in terms of what was called “time, talent and treasure” (the three ‘Ts’) were minimal in most communities. There were also power problems in the hierarchy of the church at large. Some forms of leadership were downright oppressive.
No wonder I wanted to quit before I was ordained!
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In the beginning of Jesus ministry, the people seemed to follow him for what they were receiving from him. They came for healing. They came for release from the things that bound them. They hung on his message of love and forgiveness. Their lives were changed by their contact with Jesus and his vision gave meaning to their lives. He gave them more hope than they had ever known. It felt good to be part of the crowd following Jesus wherever he went, watching him deal with the needs that confronted him, hearing him speak and seeing how he handled himself in dialogue with the religious and political leaders of the day. He was a couple of notches above anyone who they had ever seen or heard before. In his presence they felt that they were part of a new reality or a new world. It was all very exciting.
As time went on they became aware of increasing opposition to his life and message. The religious and political leaders were threatened by his large following and were afraid of losing their power and control over the people. There were plots against Jesus beginning to develop. The situation was becoming more dangerous. Jesus even indicated that his way of life would eventually lead to suffering and death.
In sixth chapter of John starts out with a huge crowd following Jesus and over five thousand having to be fed. There were healing, teaching, and miracles. The people continued to follow him even across the sea to Capernaum. Then his teaching took a different turn. He told the people not to follow him for what they received from him, but to take on his way of life, and to continue his work. Certainly this is what taking his flesh and blood meant. It meant taking on his work of loving, caring, giving and serving even though it meant hardships, conflicting with the present authorities, even suffering and death. They had to realize that life was more than flesh and blood. It was more than just surviving. This was not a religious or political revolution but a spiritual revolution. It was a hard message, one that was difficult to receive. For some it was disappointing. No wonder they wanted to quit.
“Because of this, many of his disciples turned back and no longer went about with him” (John 6:66)
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I suspect that, at times, we all would like to walk away from the church and never come back. We want a God different from the one we find in Jesus.
Flesh and blood? Yes. But demanding? No.
Resurrected? Yes. But crucified? No.
Salvation? Yes. Repentance? No.
Love? Yes. Commitment? No.
Unfortunately you cannot have one without the other. The rose comes with the thorns. The pains come with the birth. Night come with day. The best of times can only be lived because there are those times that are so bad.
Brett Blair, www. Sermons.com
I could relate to this. I could have been a part of these followers that turned back. There were times I could walk away from the church and never come back. However, I didn’t walk away. I kept on keeping on despite of the temptation to fall away.
Why did I continue in the path that I had chosen? It wasn’t just because I couldn’t find the Bishop on the night before my ordination. It was something deeper than that. Jesus asked his closest disciples, “Do you also wish to go away?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom can we go? You have the words of eternal life”. I suppose it was like Jesus asking me, “Will you quit now?” I had to answer. “Where else can I go? You have the words of a life worth living
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I wasn’t about to quit half way through. I’m glad that I didn’t because it has been a wonderful journey. It has not been without hardships, frustrations, and conflict but I have found that the more I’ve learned about the life of Jesus and tried to understand his words, I have found it to be primarily a journey of the Spirit. The main goal in this kind of life is growth in the fruit of the Spirit such as love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, forgiveness, tolerance, generosity, responsibility, gentleness and self control. It results in a life beyond the habitual preoccupations with self. It is an increasing concern for the well-being of others as well as our selves. It is what true living is all about. I cant say that I have always exhibited the fruit of the Spirit but then I am still under construction.
I didn’t have to be ordained to follow this path. There is a false conception among many people that the only way to live a truly dedicated life is to be ordained and take on a full time ministry. Nothing could be further from the truth. I did think it necessary for me at the time, and it has definitely been a part of my spiritual life for forty three years but it is the growing relationship with Jesus that has been all important to me. Whether a person is ordained or not, the life worth living is to be found in the continual encounter between our spirit and his Spirit It is an inner journey beyond the externals.
How is it that have I been able to face the frustrations day after day as I tried to minister to people? How was I able to deal with the personal hurt that I have experienced in the church? How did I tackle the lack of commitment by so many members of the church? How have been able to face the times when I have felt unjustly treated by parishioners and the higher authorities of the church? How have I met the loss of dignity experienced through job loss? How is it that I have been able to face up to the suffering imposed upon me at the hands of good church people? How have I been able to keep from saying: “What’s the use? “Why keep on keeping on?”
I have been able to overcome these things because there is a joy in Christ beyond our difficulties, sorrows and suffering. I think that Thomas Merton summarized it for me with these words:
“A true encounter with Christ liberates something in us, a power we did not know we had, a hope, a capacity for life, a resilience, an ability to bounce back when we thought we were completely defeated, a capacity to grow and change, a power of creative transformation.”
That is what I have discovered again and again. Also, I found within and often beyond the institutional church, a true sense of Christian community. Here and there, now and then, there has been a group of people following the way of Christ (although they might not even name it as such) and showing forth the fruit of the Spirit (although they might not use that term). Wherever and whenever I experienced this it is uplifting and a true joy to be celebrated. It is to be in touch with a new humanity.
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How could I ever give up the encounter with Christ? To quit would be to end the relationship. It would be giving up on a life worth living.
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